In case you were in search of something to chase down your Fritos pie, fast-food pizza chain Papa John's has helpfully come through with a new specialty pizza to "kick off the holiday season": the Philly Cheesesteak pizza.
If you're wondering, "What does that have to do with the holidays?" or, "Didn't they already have that?" or, "Will fast food chains ever stop trying to co-opt our cheesesteaks?" — you're probably not alone.
Eater can only help you with an answer to one of those questions: As far as we can tell, the most similar Papa John's specialty offering in the past was a "Steak and Cheese" pizza, which made no claim to our birthright and came with red sauce and garlic sauce, sliced steak, and cheese. (However, cheesesteak pizzas are a common sight on the menus of Papa John's competitors, so you'd be forgiven for getting mixed up.)
This new Philly Cheesesteak pizza includes garlic parmesan sauce, mozzarella and provolone cheeses, onions and green peppers, and — because "Papa John's is known for sourcing the very best ingredients available" — "thinly-sliced steak made by the famous Original Philly Cheesesteak Company." Not familiar? The Hunting Park-based company supplies sports arenas and other large-scale operations with slabs of "beef, water, and modified food starch product" or even fully cooked product by the sackful.
The Philly Cheesesteak special is only available through December 28 — because truly, this festive holiday pizza can only be understood within the context of Hanukkah and Christmas. (Kwanzaa doesn't end until January 1, so presumably, that was not one of the holidays Papa had in mind.)